this is bad...

*sigh*

ayoko ng ganitong feeling.. ung tipong, wala na namang direksyon ung mga ginagawa mo.. the kind of feeling na sobrang naboboring ka na sa daily routine mo.. i don't know why i feel this kind of emotion.. it disgusts me.. especially when it comes to studies.. i kept thinking why can't i bring back the eagerness and enthusiasm that i felt last sem.. di ko tlaga maintindihan ung sarili ko ngaun.. even the simpliest thing like waking up early in the morning to prepare for school, sobrang hirap na hirap akong i- accomplish eh.. sobrang dami ko ng late and absents sa mga subjects ko, lalo na sa first subjects ko.. also, i know na this school year will be a tough one.. kasi it's like my fourth year na rin kasi practicum na kami next sem so lahat ng mga paper works like fesibility studies, teaching demos and documentations, this sem lahat binibigay. can you imagine, 3 ung feasibility studies na ipapasa namen this sem na sobrang hirap.. take note, prelims pa lang un, what more pa sa finals.. honestly, I'M GETTING PRESSURED WITH THE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW.. wrong timing tong nararamdaman ko ngaun kasi this is the time na kailangan ko ng fire na magpupush saken to do my responsbilities..

*sigh*

i feel like i'm going nowhere.. i'm really confused with they way i feel right now.. kung dati, ginagawa kong inspiration ung pagseserve ko kay God, bakit ngaun, hindi na umuubra o tumatalab un sakin whenever iniisip ko un kapag nakakafeel ako ng katamaran.. siguro, napapansin ko ngaun na medyo okei na sa family ko ung ginagawa kong pagseserve sa community so naiisip ko na hindi ko na ganung kailangang nagstrive sa pag- aaral.. but this is wrong!! kapag bumaba ung mga grades ko, baka un uli ung maging hindrance sakin sa pagseserve and i don't want that to happen.. honestly, hindi na balance ung life ko ngaun kasi there are things that i should be prioritizing but i'm not.. example: bakit kapag pupunta ako ng gathering or ng YFC activities, sobrang excited ako kahit minsan mahirap na ung ginagawa namen pero bakit ung simpleng pagpasok ko ng 7am sa school, hirap na hirap ako.. i really need some help.. ayoko ng ganitong feeling and emotion towards my life..

*sigh*

i like this song.. honestly, hindi ko alam kung song nga to or a piece of poem.. nabasa ko lang to sa blog nga YFC Central B1.. sobrang nakakarelate ako..

Light the Fire Again

Don't let my love grow cold

I'm calling out, light the fire again

Don't let my vision die

I'm calling out, light the fire again

You know my heart, my deeds

I'm calling out, light the fire again

I need Your discipline

I'm calling out, light the fire again

I am here to buy gold refined in the fire

Naked and poor, wretched and blind I come

Clothe me in white

So I won't be ashamed Lord,

light the fire again..

well, that's all for now.. these are my undying thoughts in this portion of my life.. may God bless me with His love and embrace me tighly with His righteous grace.. bye..