haaaaayy buhaaaayyyy....

i see them coming... alam mo kung ano? problema... yup! as in trials, challenges at kung ano pang pwedeng itawag sa kanila... haaaay... di ko malaman kung ano ung mararamdaman ko, matatakot ba or maeexcite kasi i know na meron na naman akong matututunan about life... isa- isahin natin sila... pero take note na all of these "problems" are MY problems, some of them are "mababaw" for you... these thoughts are only bothering me... una, family... i think something's wrong with me... feeling ko sa dami ng mga ginagawa ko, nawawalan na ko ng time sa kanila... di ko alam kung pano ko ibubudget ung time ko para mas mabigyan ko pa sila ng time... last feb 17 (thursday) nagdrama na ung nanay ko sakin... pabiro man pero the fact that "jokes are half meant" right? so that means na nafifeel din nila ung "pagkawala" ko madalas sa bahay... i just wish na, there are more than 24 hours in a day so i'll have enough time for everything... actually, namimiss ko na rin ung family ko... kahit kapag inaamag ka na dito sa bahay dahil bored na bored ka na, iba pa rin ung feeling na kasama at malapit sila sayo... second, studies... whaaaa, natatakot na talaga ako this coming weeks... alam ko na magiging sobrang busy na ako... as in sobrang busy na siguro kahit ung resting at sleeping time ko, magagamit ko para dun... in layman's term, puyatan na!! dadating na ung matitindi naming requirements, quizzes, exams, group presentation at higit sa lahat, ung ACTUAL DEMO ko... whaaa, kinakabahan ako... parang gusto kong magcollapse kapag dumating ung time na un... isa pang problem ko sa studies ko ngayon ay ung umiiral na pangit kong ugali, KATAMARAN... nawawalan na ko ng ganang pumasok... hindi ko alam kung bakit... pero hangga't maaari, ayokong mafeel na tinatamad ako... lahat ng bagay, tao at thoughts na pwede kong maging inspiration for studies iniisip ko para mawala ung feeling na yon... tapos minsan ang hilig ko pang mag- crum... naku, hobby ko yata un pagdating sa studies e... nakakainis... third, friends... hmmmm... ung friends ko sa school, okey naman... sila ung tipo na good influence pero may mga masasaya din ung mga trip... thankful ako sa mga kumag na yon kasi siguro kung ibang tipo ung friends ko, tagal na kong "pasaway"... friends sa yfc, at this time kasi were experiencing some challenges e... medyo nagkakaaway- away, not exactly pero there are some conflicts going on... hindi ko rin alam ung gagawin ko kasi medyo baguhan lang ako, so i think na medyo wala pa akong karapatang magsalita ng ganon... i may not look affected pero deep within, iniisip ko ung pwede kong magawa para masolve ung problema... hmmmm... ano kaya? tapos, i had a miscommunication with a particular friend ko sa yfc... di ko alam ung gagawin ko... basta... di ko alam... fourth, my spiritual life... i need nourishment!!! nafifeel ko na ung pressure ng pagiging chapterhead ko and sometimes some thoughts are swimming in my mind na hindi na nakakatulong sa pagseserve ko kay God... hhhaaaaaayyyyyy... sana dumating na ung time ng megacamp namin for summer... gusto kong magcamp ulit kami, not just for myself but also for everyone... ayun... yan ang mga "problema" ko sa buhay... ung iba mababaw, ung iba sobrang common na... pero problems are problems, kapag hindi nagawan ng paraan, pwedeng lumaki... these are difficulties that are given by God... one thing's for sure, gano man kahirap yan, i will not give up... i will be strong... strong for myself and for the persons i love, but most of all, for God... kasi i know na hindi Nya ibibigay sakin ung mga obstacles na hindi ko kaya... so what i'm experiencing right now are problems na makakayanan ko diba! aja! hehe... pati alam ko na sobrang sarap nung feeling kapg nalampasan mo ang isang particular problems... those things mold you into what you are right now and even make you into a better person someday... hhhaaaaayyyy... pati i know may binigay si God na people that will never abandon me in times of my crisis in life... GOD WILL PROVIDE... andyan lang naman si God eh... nothing more, nothing less and that's more than enough... (",)

Praise God!!!

yahooo... sa wakas natapos ko na din ung requirements ko sa isang subject ko... hehe... grabe, miracle talaga... kasi ganito story nun, I have a subject that requires us na magbabasa ng isang buong libro at isusumarize mo sya every chapter. my book had 12 chapters and in the past few days, i manage to finish summarizing 10 chapters and typing it on the computer. it was just last february 15 (tuesday un), hindi me pumasok kasi college week namen so i thought i could use my time fruitfully. i decided na gagawin ko na lang ung mga requirements ko... ngunit, datapwa't, subalit, pagtingin ko dun sa study table namen, nawawala ung laptop and I found out na dinala pala ng parents ko in their office. so sabi ko, "okey lang, mamaya na lang gabi ako gagawa..." pero sa aking pagkabigla, tumawag sa kin ung ate ko and informed me na sira ung laptop... corrupted daw yung files due to a virus... Whhhaaa!!! nanlumo na naman ako... ang dami ko ng nagawa dun and sa february 18 (friday) na yung pasahan nun... i had only 3 days para ulitin lahat yun... huhu... magiyak- ngiyak na talaga ako nun... so wednesday, when i got to school, kakaupo ko pa lang ng chair, i started summarizing the book "again"... grabe, sobrang sakit na nga ng kamay ko kakasulat and the worst of all, i was not able to listen to all the lessons of all my subjects that day... as in wala... wala akong naintindihan dahil yung attention ko ay nasa libro... haaay... pagkauwi ko, narealize ko na within almost 8 hours ng pagsusulat, i managed to finish 9 chapters... amazing... narealize ko na within 1 or 2 days, matatapos ko pala agad yung requirement ko pero last christmas vacation ko pa sinimulan ung paggawa nun... wehehe... back to the story, buti na lang a special friend (thank you so much to that person) insisted on helping me to finish my project on time (ipagtatype nya ko since wala kaming computer sa bahay at that time kasi pinapagawa)... tapos wala pang 4 hours nun, tumawag yung nanay ko, so kinamusta ko yung laptop... i asked kung kelan makukuha yung laptop and kung may chance pa na marecover yung mga files... and to my suprise, this day sya nakuha and hindi lang yun, narecover lahat nung files so ibig sabihin, hindi ko na kailangang issumarize lahat ulit yun... ang galing talaga!!! haaaayyyy... yun nga lang nanakit yung kamay ko... pero okey lang kasi di na ko mag- aalala for my requirement... so di na tinuloy ng friend kong itype yun (pero thank you talaga !!!)... and in this moment. tapos ko na yung requirement ko... eto, hawak ko, napaprint ko na rin... kita nyo? wahaha... eniwei, there are things that i learned from that experiences. maybe God allowed that for me to realize those things... first is that, learn to value your time! siguro kung dati ko pa ginawa yung pagttype, hindi ako mamomroblema kahit biglang nasira yung laptop. and second, i learned that God will always provide... hindi Nya ako pinabayaan (in a way na nagawa yung laptop on time and may taong tumulong sa kin sa paggawa nun)... haaayy!!! ang galing talaga noh!!! ayun, na- share ko lang yung simple but amazing experience ko ngayon... till then...

if only...

haaaaayyy... grabe, medyo namomroblema ako sa studies ko ngaun... its not about my grades pero dun sa isang subject na naiwanan ko... ang dami palang prerequisites nun... so ang tendency ay mahuli ako ng ilang subjects next year... pero ang masakit nito, hindi lang sya basta subjects kundi mga major subjects ung maiiwanan ko... haaaay, nung una pa naman, balak kong i- summer ung naiwan kong subject so next sem, regular na ulit me, pero kanina lang while waiting for my classmates for lunch, bigla nilang hinatid sakin ang masamang balita, walang summer class ung subject na balak kong i- summer... syempre agad kong tiningnan un bulletin board sa tapat ng building ng educ., at nanlumo ako sa aking natunghayan... wala nga!!! haaaay... paulit- ulit kong tiningnan ung announcement pero wala talaga akong makitang Educ 204 ( un ung subject na naiwan ko)... next thing i did was to go to the dean's office at tanungin kung un lang talaga ung mga subjects na i-susummer ng college namen, at sabi naman nila na un lang ung mga subjects na i- ooffer unless may magpetition na i-summer ang isang particular na subject... tapos ung subject pa na un ay ino- offer lang ng 2nd sem of the year, so ibig sabihin, mag- aantay pa me ng isang sem para makuha un... ayun... nakakabaliw... okey lang sana kung pwede kong i- add ung mga subjects na maiiwan ko for the next following sems pero ang magiging result kasi nun for me, hindi ako makakapagpracticum nun at the right year, that means that hindi ako ga- graduate on time... magiging octoberian ako... whaaaa... ayoko nun... haaayyy... if only hindi ko pinabayaan ung studies ko last 1st year, 2nd sem, siguro hindi ganito ngaun (ang drama na)... pero honestly, i'm regreting that moment kasi within that little span of time na sinayang ko, ang laki ng nawawala sa kin ngaun... haaay... gusto kong sisihin ung prof namin na nag- incomplete sakin at naging dahilan ng pagkaka- incomplete ko pero syempre, sa bandang huli, ako pa rin ung may kasalanan dun... grabe, nasa huli talaga ang pagsisisi... while i'm on my home kanina, halos un lang ung iniisip ko, syempre hanggang ngaun pa rin (obvious ba?)... my only hope na lang is that may magpetition for that subject (sana meron...) or i-offer sya ng first sem para ma- add ko agad sya... hmmmm... pero syempre i'm not loosing hope, hangga't may pwede akong gawing paraan, gagawin ko... sana nga lang meron... hehe... pati i believe that God will provide, maybe not with what i want now pero with what i have to learn from this experience, siguro may gusto lang ituro sakin si God ngaun, and may purpose Sya sa kung ano man ung mangyayari... haaaayyy... basta bahala na si God sakin... ayun... nakwento ko lang... hehe... that's all... (",)

sweet...

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty.
He said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever.
And he said...no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry,
and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough.
As she walked away, tears were streaming down her face.
The boy grabbed her arm and said....
You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever.
I NEED to be with you forever!
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...
I'd die...

yahooo...

Yehey... sa wakas nakagawa na ko ng blog ko... well, i would like to introduce myself... I'm MA. JAN MICHELLE MENDOZA (haba ng name ko noh...);female; 18 years of age; I'm residing here in Pasig; currently studying at UST; taking up Bachelor of Elementary Education (yup, I'm a future teacher!)... I'm only a simple girl with a simple perspective in life... I'm happy and contented right now coz i know God is working in my life in His mysterious ways... hmmm... ano pa ba?... feeling ko wala na... ayyy, meron pa pala, i don't believe in karma... nyak... hehe... I just hope na maenjoy ko to... yun lang... hehe... Godbless...