pressure from everywhere...

haaayyy.. i don't like this feeling.. feeling ko, everything's slowly eating me up.. ang daming pressure sa paligid ko and i'm not doing good.. on every aspect of my life, merong pressure.. first, sa family, haayy.. sa tingin ko malapit na kaming mabad-shot dahil sa madalas na pag- uwi namin ng late in the evening, dahil sa pag-asikaso ng ikot bayan (it's not that i'm blaming the activity..) kaya ngayon, i'm really trying to make things good here at home.. although wala naman silang sinasabi, i'm not insensitive not to feel na ganun na ung nafifeel nila samin.. another thing, about my brother.. he has this problem at socializing with others at school.. kung titingnan ko un, mababaw lang un because i understand.. every person just go through it.. nasa stage na talaga ng development ng isang human na mag- undergo ng mga emotional conflicts.. un nga lang, as i can see, medyo nahihirapan ung bro ko to cope up dun sa particular stage na un.. kaya in a way, we also have to guide him.. and you know what? medyo sinisisi ng nanay ko ung sarili nya of what's happening to my younger brother.. and pumasok din sa isip ko na as her sister and as a future teacher, hindi ko na naaalagaan ung kapatid ko.. mahirap din kasi sakin na makita ung ganun kasi diba, i'm taking up education and its alarming for me to see my own brother's grades na unti- unting bumababa.. am i not an effective teacher? haaayyy.. second, sa studies.. thesis! book reports! and many other requirements.. it's february and dumadami na ung mga requirements namin na kailangan ng ipasa right away.. and what i don't like is that, i'm starting to feel lazy to go to school.. haayy.. i don't why? siguro kasi malapit ng mag- end ung semester.. gaun kasi ako.. hehe.. pero i promised myself na hindi ko naman pababayaan ung pag- aaral ko.. haayy.. third, sa service.. haayyy.. sobrang daming activities ngaun.. and hindi lang basta madami, mabibigat pa.. ung tipong pang-professionals na ung dapat gumawa.. hayy.. i don't know if i'm feeling the right thing pero i want to give up.. there came a time na sabi ko sa sarili ko na mag- iinactive na lang ako.. pero hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko magawa.. i love this service, the people that i'm with, and the feeling while i'm serving.. i'm getting tired.. ewan ko ba kung bakit? maybe because of the activities kaya nappressure ako ng ganto.. and i'm not taking anything positively.. hayy, namimiss ko na ung dating ako na laging optimistic pagdating sa service.. tama nga ung sabi ni ej about sa ikot bayan (yfc activity), it is a test of faith.. sobrang natetest ung faith ko ngaun.. and mas nakilala ko ng sarili ko, hindi pala ganun kalaki ung faith ko.. i thought nothing can hinder me from believing pero these challenges did.. haayy.. nakakainis din kasi ngaun ung chapter heads overnight, dapat talaga hindi ako sasama because inuna ko ng init ng ulo ko sa pagdedesisyon. but then, nung kinausap ako ni enrik at bornok about dun, convincing me to go there, i thought kailangan ko nga talaga ng matindihang nourishment ngaun because i don't like what i'm feeling now.. but unfortunately, i didn't.. nagkasakit ako kahapon(friday) and tomorrow (sunday), aalis kami ng family.. gusto kong sumama talaga kaso natatakot na naman akong hindi payagan kasi sinabi na ni tatay na aalis kami.. and in the first place, i've set up my mind na hindi ako sasama so it's too late kung ngayon lang ako magpapaalam.. haayy.. nakakalungkot talaga.. i can't tell what's God's plan for me.. i just hope that God will embrace me so tightly so that i'll never have to be far away from Him.. i love this service so much that i can't imagine my life without it.. that's all..